Cid Highwind on the Art of Seduction
by Chibi Koun
Summary: Cid feels bad for guys who can't hit it off with their crushes. So he decides to give them some advice... By telling them exactly what he did to convince Vincent Valentine to be his! Rated for sex, swearing, and let's face it: Cid himself.
1. Introduction

Author's Note:

_I'm a bad person! I know! I should be working on either of the other two fics! But this just popped into my head one evening while I was in the shower, and I've been writing it during school ever since. There's no escape for you._

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Introduction

Hey, y'all. Glad yer all here teh listen. C'ept yeh. In th' back. Yeah, I'm watchin' yeh. Bastard.

Anyway, this is one fuckin' good, true, story. About fuckin'. An' th' stuff that comes first. 'Cause yeh know, it ain't enough teh go up teh yer chosen one an' ask 'em teh drop their pants an' fuck yeh.

Actually, sometimes this can be pretty damn effective, but more on that later.

Fuck. Got off track.

Anyway, I'm gonna tell all yeh damn loosers the sure-fire ways teh win over yer beloved. Or whatever. I'm not teh damn sure what th' fuck yeh creeps are really up teh.

Right. Before I start, hang on.

What? Yeh've fuckin' never seen anyone smoke before?

Fine. Now. What yeh've gotta remember, most of fuckin' all is this:

Seduction is an art. A fuckin' masterpiece if yeh do it right. Hah.

Okay, enough damn stallin'. My story will teach yeh all th' right way teh win the affections of yer chosen one.

So this is how I won Vincent Valentine.

* * *

Hurr hurr. This is so much fun to write. Seriously. You have no idea. Go right something in Cid's voice. All those red lines all over my computer screen. Oh my. This is possibly the most fun I've ever had writing anything. And stay tuned, for I know there WILL be a sequel.

Cid: The hell yeh need a sequel for? I know fuckin' EVERYTHIN' 'bout this.


	2. Know Thy Prey

Author's Note:

_These chapters will all be pretty short. This is just for grins and giggles, after all. And cuteness. And sex. There will be some of that too. My first M rated fic! Ahah!_

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Know Thy Prey

One 'a th' most damn important thin's teh keep in mind is that yeh gotta know about 'em. Yeh know who I'm talkin' 'bout. Those people yeh've watched an' noticed how damn sexy they are. Yup, the ones yeh came teh me fer help on. Yeh gotta know about 'em, or yeh won' know what'll catch their eye, or what th' hell turns 'em on, an' all that crap.

So yeh gotta watch 'em, but not teh obviously, 'cause then yeh'll look like a fuckin' creep, which is th' last damn thin' yeh want.

An' if yer real serious 'bout 'em, then watchin' is easy, 'cause yer kinda fuckin' attuned teh 'em, yeh know? Even if yeh don' understand 'em, yeh can' stop watchin' an' _tryin'_ teh understand…

Vin… I noticed him right away. It was kinda hard not teh. I mean, I went home an' there were these fuckin' weird people in my damn kitchen. I was thinkin' 'bout th' damn Shinra execs comin' teh talk 'bout my rocket, but even with that, Vin still stood th' fuck out. Think 'bout it; if yeh go home an' there's some pale, long-haired guy who looks like he jus' escaped from a vampire movie, yeh'd damn well notice. An' once I noticed him, I noticed his eyes. They creeped th' hell outta me at first. Blood red, an' he don' blink much, an' he always fuckin' _stares_. Creepy as hell.

But, yeh know, after thinkin' 'bout it for a few damn minutes, I realized he was fuckin' hidin'. Camouflage. It was that damn weird cape that tipped me off. Thin' fuckin' coverin' his face. An' th' glare? Ha! Figured th' hell outta that! It was like… like… Well, yeh know snakes? Fuckin' poison bastards? An' there's this one type that has like, I dunno. Fuck. Anyway, snakes. An' cats teh. They fuckin' hiss, right? Well- SHUT TH' HELL UP, YEH IN TH' BACK! I'LL COME BACK THERE AN' BEAT TH' SHIT OUTTA YEH!

…Right. Well, they fuckin' hiss teh scare people away, right? Well, they try teh scare people away 'cause they feel threatened. 'Cause they're fuckin' scared.

I dunno. Maybe I was worried 'bout him. Scared 'a people an' dangerous ain't a damn good combination. I watched him.

* * *

_"Do you have something to say?" The cold voice cut through Cid's thoughts like a sharp knife through butter. Cid jumped guiltily and nearly spilled his tea._

_"What? Can't I fuckin' daydream if I fuckin' want?" He demanded. Behind him, one of the inn's staff members peered into the tiny breakfast room and gave him a worried look._

_Vincent's eyes narrowed dangerously._

_Hiss, Cid thought. He pulled out the chair next to him. "Sit yer ass down, Vinny."_

_"My name is Vincent." He made no move to sit._

_Cid shrugged and lit a cigarette. "Th' hell were yeh readin' las' night?"_

_Vincent took half a step back without appearing to notice. "You were asleep."_

_"I fuckin' woke up. Hate when shit like that happens. Must've been one in th' fuckin' mornin', an' yeh were up readin'. Yeh know Chocobo-Head likes teh start out early."_

_"What I read is none of your business, Highwind," Vincent monotone, then spun around and stalked off, his cloak flowing behind him._

_Cid finished his tea then snuck back up the stairs. Cloud had put Cid and Vincent in the same room that night- thus the noticing of the reading- so it was a simple matter to go to Vincent's bed for a quick search. Now, where would he- ah. Cid grinned and lifted the pillow. It was a small, beat-up paperback that was hidden there. Vincent must ave picked it up cheaply from a seller of used books. In ornate letters at the top was the title: __Romeo and Juliet__._

_Cid's first reaction was to laugh, but no, that made sense. He opened the book at random and scanned few incomprehensible (to him) lines. He couldn't pick out the exact meaning, but even to Cid the words seemed flowing, graceful, and sad. Like the way Vincent moved. Like Vincent himself._

_Cid stared at the words._

* * *

Yep, that's when I fuckin' knew. But see, th' watchin' was damn useful. See, I found out 'bout Vin not bein' as damn scary as he tried teh be, an' I found out that he's got a weakness fe poetry. Never woulda guessed, not with th' way he fuckin' shoots. I mean, he could shoot a guy's fuckin' eye out from fifty yards.

Damn, got distracted.

* * *

Why Romeo and Juliet? I don't know. Because. It's a love tragedy, so I think it's something would relate to. And probably cry when he reads it. Even though he knows how it ends.

Vincent: ..........


	3. Have Thy Prey Know Thee

Author's Note:

_One night of a new fic, and my inbox is FLOODED with reviews and favorites. Well, sort of. I love you guys all. You make my ego nice and fat. As a side note, I have no idea who the guy in the back Cid keeps yelling at is. I've named him Charles Mahooney, just for da helluvit._

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Have Thy Prey Know Thee

Now, th' next thing's damn important teh. These all are, really. Anyway, yeh gotta let yer target – heh – get teh know yeh. I mean, how th' fuck would yeh feel if some random-ass guy came up teh yeh, handed yeh some flowers, an' tried teh set a date? Freaked th' hell out, right?

I'll bet, 'specially since I'm pretty damn sure most 'a yeh ain't gay, which makes me wonder why th' hell yeh came teh _me_.

'Course this'll work on women, shut th' fuck up. Yeh think I'm th' bitch, er somethin'? No fuckin' way! Vincent's _my_ fuckin' bitch, an' no, yeh really did not need teh know that.

…I am in some deep shit when I git home. I can feel it.

* * *

_Cid had taken to walking next to Vincent whenever AVALANCHE needed to travel on foot. Vincent had initially reacted with suspicion, until it became clear that Cid was just walking along, and he just happened to be walking along next to Vincent. It was a coincidence. Really._

_And Cloud usually had Cid and Vincent room together whenever a stay at an inn was necessary. Apparently Cid was the only member of AVALANCHE who could stand waking up and seeing a pair of red eyes glowing in the darkness. And he was the only one who didn't complain about Vincent's constant tossing, turning, and distressed sounds as he grappled with his nightmares._

_About a week and a half after this had been established, Cid began to talk to Vincent. At first, Vincent had responded with blank stares. Then he'd declared that Cid was annoying._

_"No. I do not care about the way you build airplanes." Vincent started walking more quickly in hopes of putting some distance between himself and the chatty Captain._

_But Cid was not so easily deterred. He picked up his pace as well. "Yeh don' think that's fuckin' interesting?"_

_"No. I do not."_

_"Yeh like th' stars?"_

_Vincent glared. "You enjoy the sound of your own voice, Highwind."_

_Cid grinned. "Yep," he said happily, stepping over a fallen tree branch. "'Specially talkin' 'bout th' sky an' bein' able teh fly up there an' know yer free."_

_Vincent stopped walking abruptly and looked up at the sky, or what was visible of it through the wood's canopy. There was a sudden longing in his eyes. "You… are a most aggravating man," he whispered._

_Cid lit a cigarette. "Yep. Fuckin' famous fer it."_

_"…Tell me about the stars."_

* * *

Persistence. That's th' damn way teh do it. See, Vin got fuckin' used teh me bein' there. I wasn' a damn stranger no more.

Sure, I still pissed th' hell outta him, an' he pissed me th' fuck off a lot teh. But in a gid way.

Look, if yeh in th' back can' jus' shut th' fuck up, yeh _will_ see th' color 'a yer insides. An' I'll shove this cig up yer ass, an' since it's lit, it'll hurt like hell.

* * *

The next chapter is my favorite that I have written so far. I will upload it in a little bit, because I have to repair a YouTube video that got screwed up. My GOD, but this is so much fun to write!


	4. Flirting

Author's Note:

_Two updates in one night? What is the world coming to??_

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Flirting

Ah, flirtin'. One 'a th' damn finest brushes used in th' art 'a seduction. This is th' first place yer watchin' will be fuckin' useful. Now yeh'll know what type 'a flirtin' will be most effective.

Sometime's this'll be yer last stop. Yeah, some people think that yeh flirt by askin' yer chosen one teh drop their pants an' fuck yeh. I dunno. Whatever th' hell works.

But with Vin, I had my fuckin' work cut out fer me. I had teh be damn subtle, er I woulda scared him away. An' I had teh be fuckin' careful not teh hurt him, 'cause his last relationship did not go so fuckin' well at all.

* * *

_"Thanks for letting us use your house, Cid," Cloud said, leaning his sword against the wall._

_"No fuckin' problem. Gid thin' we were nearby." Cid stretched. "But Shera had teh fuckin' run off," he grumbled. In actuality, Shera had left a note saying she was lonely and was staying with her sister until Cid got back from saving the world. "Jus' as well," Cid muttered, sticking a cigarette into his mouth. "Damn woman would git in th' way."_

_"What do you mean?" Tifa asked._

_Cid grunted and lit up. "Not much room," he answered once he'd taken in a lungful of smoke. "So yeh an' Aeris, an' Yuffie can stay in her fuckin' room. Everyone else is stayin' in th' livin' room. The hell I'm lettin' yeh inteh my goddamn room."_

_Barret, for some reason, found this very funny. Everyone else gave him perplexed looks._

_"Well," said Cloud. "It's still pretty early, so I'm going out for a little bit. In case we don't all talk again before tomorrow, we're leaving at nine, so don't be out too late."_

_"Wait, Cloud! I'll go with you!" Tifa managed to squeeze out the door just ahead of him._

_"You two are going nowhere without me," Aeris declared with a wicked smile. Tifa gave her a sour look._

_"I'm going to check out the material shop!" Yuffie gave Cid an enthusiastic wave. "Catch you later, old man!"_

_"Git th' hell out, yeh fuckin' brat!" Cid shouted at her. "An' don' yeh fuckin' steal anythin'! I live here!"_

_Soon, Cid was left alone in his kitchen as the members of AVALANCHE went out in search of interesting things._

_Almost alone, anyway. Vincent never had been one for going out; even when they stayed at inns he tended to lurk inside their room, though Cid was plotting to take him drinking one night._

_Vincent gave Cid one of his trademark stares when he noticed he was being watched._

_"Yeh like that wall?" Cid asked._

_"…What?" Vincent indeed had his arm and claw crossed and he was leaning against the wall._

_"Tha's exactly where yeh were fuckin' standin' th' last damn time yeh were here."_

_"You remember such insignificant details?"_

_"Not so fuckin' insignificant." Before Vincent could ask what he meant – and the narrowing of his red eyes said the question was coming – Cid continued. "Hungry, Vin?"_

_"No. I am not. Now what-"_

_"I'll make somthin'. I'm fuckin' starvin' teh." Cid made a great show of removing his gloves and striding to the stove._

_"I said I am not hungry. What-"_

_"Lesee…" Cid gave Vincent an appraising look. "It's fuckin' cold out, so why not somthin'… hot?"_

_"It's seventy-three degrees outside," Vincent said, now just sounding bewildered._

_Cid pretended not to hear._

_After some time and much swearing (and one burnt finger), Cid had managed to concoct a thick, reddish-brown gloop that bubbled sluggishly and steamed._

_Vincent gave the pot an extremely wary look and began to edge to the door. But Cid was having none of that, and he managed to intercept Vincent before he escaped._

_"Sit yer ass down," Cid growled, herding Vincent toward the table. Vincent backed into a chair, realized he was trapped, gave Cid a haughty look(that _clearly_ said that this was Vincent's own idea, and he wanted to sit down anyway), and sat down._

_Cid smirked in triumph and sauntered back to the stove, where he filled a bowl with the glop, stuck a spoon in it, marched back to the table, and dropped the bowl in front of his guest._

_Vincent gave the food a look a condemned man would give the electric chair. He looked up at Cid. "Are you planning to stand over me until I eat it?"_

_"Damn right I am," Cid said._

_Vincent sighed and unfastened his cape, uncovering his mouth and letting the red fabric slide down his shoulders. Did he have any idea how sensual that movement was? His eyes were fixed upon the food – it was possible that it might attack –so he completely failed to notice the hungry way Cid was watching his face._

_Daintily and carefully, Vincent picked up the spoon and eyed it._

_"Well?" Cid demanded. "My cookin's not that fuckin' bad. It damn well won' bite back." In truth, he _did _feel slightly insulted that Vincent was so worried about the food._

_With another sigh, Vincent very carefully took a tiny bite. Cid, very casually, went to the cupboard to get a glass. Behind him, he heard a muffled squeak, and then a tinkling sound that was undoubtedly the spoon being dropped._

_He filled the glass with water._

_The look on Vincent's face was not one that Cid would be forgetting any time soon. The usually stoic and cold man had one pale hand clapped firmly over his mouth, red cheeks, and what looked suspiciously like tears collecting in the corners of his – very wide – red eyes._

_Cid, fighting back laughter, set the glass of water down in front of Vincent. Vincent snatched it up and swallowed all the water in two giant gulps. He leaned his arm on the table and panted like a saw horse._

_"Should I 'a warned yeh it was spicy?" Cid asked wickedly. Vincent glared, not looking very menacing as he was still trying to cool his tongue._

_"You… said it… wouldn't… bite back," he accused, looking like he was seriously considering murder. "That… hurt."_

_"Oh, yeh got hurt?" Cid asked innocently. "Lemee see."_

_Vincent was still trying to get his breath back, and was utterly unprepared for Cid's roughly-calloused fingers to tilt his chin up._

_The kiss – if it was possible – was even more unexpected. Vincent went very still as Cid gently caressed the inside of his mouth with his tongue._

_Vincent was still unmoving, staring owlishly at Cid when the Captain finally broke the kiss._

_"Feels fine teh me," Cid said cheerfully. "But I ain't no fuckin' medic. I could be wrong. Should I check again?"_

* * *

Hah! That there's one 'a my damn favorite memories. So what th' fuck if it wasn' subtle? Worked, didn' it? Yeh bet yer fuckin' ass it did. I'm up here givin' th' lesson, ain't I?

What th' hell. Subtlety at yer own damn discretion.

* * *

This one is my favorite so far. Poor Vincent burned his tongue… Twice! But only one of them was in a good way. Even in this fic, Vincent still ends up acting like a cat. He just does. My cat does the "haughty look" thing all the time.

By the way, in case you're curious, Cid made chili. I had an experience rather similar to Vincent's recently (except I didn't get kissed by a hot guy after), so I was inspired.

Chapter four to be posted…. Some point soon.

I need more Cid narration, but I get distracted by all the third-person stories.


	5. Presents

Author's Note:

_I really hate typing up things that I've already written by hand. I don't know why. I just do. Even though it makes my editing tons better. I made such wacky mistakes in the rough draft. _

_Also, thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, or added this to their alerts. I love you!_

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Presents

Before yeh ask, yeh damn bastard in th' back, no this fuckin' does _not _mean chocolate an' flowers. If yeh think that'll work with yer intended, fine. I don' give a fuck.

Yeh gotta remember teh give 'em somethin' that they'll fuckin' like. Otherwise what's th' damn point? They need teh know yeh care, an' if yeh give 'em somethin' they don' like, it won' work. Yeh gotta build up teh the fuckin' flowers.

…. Flowers in moderation are OK, but they're damn impersonal by 'emselves.

An' since yeh been watchin'- WILL YEH FUCKIN' PAY ATTENTION? – yeh know exactly what th' hell teh get. Or make. Whatever.

* * *

_Cid was in a bookstore and feeling distinctly out of his element. It was not his natural habitat._

_He wandered the rows of bookshelves for a while, feeling lost and uncomfortable. No one took and notice of him; everyone was readying busily. Cid wanted to ask someone where he could find what he was looking for, but he had some vague idea that he shouldn't disturb the silence._

_So it was nearly an hour before Cid ended up, completely by chance, before a shelf filled with books marked "Shakespeare."_

_"Finally. Damn," Cid muttered. He was already in a bad mood (an hour in a building where smoking was banned), so all he wanted to do was pick out a likely-looking tome and leave._

_To his dismay, the ability to comprehend the stylistic writing had not turned up in his head. How was he supposed to know which one to buy? Good thing the summaries on the backs of the books were written in _normal_ words._

_Within ten minutes Cid had decided that he hated that bastard Shakespeare. Everything he'd written was either a tragedy (which Vincent should not read because it would remind him of his own life and depress him) or a comedy (which Cid had a feeling Vincent would not find to his taste)._

_Grumbling obscenities to himself, Cid stalked back to the front of the shop. What a fuckin' waste 'a time!_

_Luck played her part once more. On one of the shelves by the door was a stack of leather-bound journals. Their deep brown covers glowed lustrously in the sunlight streaming in through the glass door._

_Cid recognized a boon when he saw one. He snatched up one of the journals and brought it to the counter. He added a pen as well._

_If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself._

_It was time to learn how to write poetry. And fast._

_Cid sat himself on one of the benches in the town's green. Around him, the town's little foot traffic went on. Cid chewed on the end of his pen. This was going to be tough. He wished he'd gotten a pencil instead._

_Vincent ghosted into the room he and Cid were sharing at the inn. He'd been investigating the local weapons' shop and had left with boxed of ammunition that he'd run out of._

_The sight that greeted his eyes as he entered the tiny room was Cid sprawled out on one of the beds, snoring like a camp of caffeinated lumberjacks. Vincent would have rolled his eyes if that had been in his character. Instead, he went to put away his purchases._

_That was when Vincent noticed what was on _his _bed. He froze for a moment, and then bent over and gingerly, as though removing an explosive, picked up the single red rose. It had a ribbon on it._

_He stared at it for a minute and then dropped his boxes on the bed. He sat down and opened the book that had been under the flower. In thirty seconds Vincent's face was the same color as the rose. He spluttered._

_Vincent read until there were no more words. Then he examined the book closely. Several pages had been ripped out before it had been left on his bed._

_Vincent's gaze slid over to the forcefully snoring pilot on the next bed. There was an ink smudge on Cid's nose, and a bit of paper sticking out of one of his jacket pockets…_

_Several years of Vincent's mother's life had gone to teaching her son the difference between right and wrong. And one of the things that had fallen solidly on the Wrong side was looking through someone else's things. Nevertheless, this is exactly what Vincent proceeded to do. He carefully slid the crumpled paper out of Cid's pocket, unfolded it as best he could, and read it._

_The handwriting was even worse than it had been in the book, and the page was covered in smudges and scribbles. It took some time to decipher the actual words, but when he did, Vincent's mouth dropped open (he was _so glad_ no one was watching)._

_"This is terrible writing," he finally said to himself._

_But he never did give that page back._

* * *

So, yeah. Embarrassed th' shit outta me when I realized he found one 'a th' fuckin' screw ups. But what th' hell. Got my point across, didn' it?

An' maybe yeh noticed that Vin was fuckin' changin' durin' th' story. Heh. He wasn' bein' so damn cold teh me anymore. He started warmin' up teh all 'a us in AVALANCHE after a while, but I was th' fuckin' first. No, yeh bastard, I ain't fuckin' braggin'. It's th' truth.

'Cause I was layin' siege teh him. Breakin' down his defenses. Seduction is one helluva art, 'cause it can be like a damn war teh. Good thin' I always enjoyed a challenge… 'Cause Vin wasn' giving up teh fuckin' easy.

* * *

_"I realize I may regret asking, Highwind, but what it this?"_

_It was later that night. Cid had woken up and was groggily smoking and wishing for tea. He looked up and saw Vincent, sans cape and bandana, holding out the leather-bound journal. He looked exasperated._

_Cid contrived to look as innocent as possible. He was surprisingly good at it. "Looks like a goddamn book."_

_"I am aware that it is a book. Why was it left for me?"_

_"Someone wants yeh teh have it," Cid replied innocently._

_Vincent looked like he was about to say something. He abruptly turned his back on Cid._

_"Your writing could use some work."_

_Cid opened his mouth to respond with something rude, but Vincent interrupted._

_"It has been a while since anyone gave me something. Thank you." And then he left._

* * *

Cid should probably read more literature. Seriously, don't you think Vincent would like A Midsummer's Night Dream? It's got love in it!

Cid: ….. Yeh make me seem like a damn illiterate!

Chibi Koun: Then you should read more. Oh, the next chapter has a bit of sadness in it. Aaawwwww.

Vincent: ……………….

Chibi Koun: Oh yeah, I FOUND OUT WHAT INSPRIRED A LOT OF THE ALL AT ONCE FIC! IT WAS K. HARUKA! HARUKA DID IT!!!!!!!!

Cid: Stop bein' a fuckin' advertisement!


	6. Valentine's Day: After Meteor

Author's Note:

_Okay, this wasn't originally going to be part of this story, but the next actual chapter update won't occur until I go back to school, since that's where all of this gets written. So the sad chapter will be the next one. In the mean time…. FLUFFY SUGAR ATTACK!_

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Valentine's Day Special

What's th' one fuckin' day Vincent hates th' mos'?

Well… Two days, actually.

'Kay. Vin hates his birthday. I know! Not fuckin' natural, right? I mean, yeh gotta love yer birthday. It's yer damn birthday. Mos' special day 'a th' year, 'cause it's _yer _day teh be fuckin' special!

Maybe that's why Vincent fuckin' hates it. He hates people lookin' at him an' treatin' him different.

But that's not th' real, real reason.

Vin hates Valentine's Day. He fuckin' despises it.

Why? Well, the damn pink decorations tick him right th' hell off. An' I guess I'd feel pretty fuckin' jumpy if I saw my name plastered on every fuckin' store wall. I know he ain't hatin' it 'cause he thinks he ain't special teh anyone on a day fer lovers.

I damn well made sure 'a _that._

Nah, he hates these days 'cause…. 'Cause.

Yeh gotta keep this fuckin' secret, got it?

The puns. Everyone makes all these fuckin' bad puns at 'im all th' damn time.

Th' rest 'a th' year "Valentine" is jus' a name.

But yeh get teh October 13th, an' it's all people goin' up teh Vin an' sayin', "Happy Valentine's Day." He fuckin' hates that.

An' then yeh get teh actual Valentine's Day. Well…. Yeh can damn well see where th' hell that's goin'.

So, o'course, this bein' Vin, th' hell does he do 'bout it?

He broods. He fuckin' angsts an' hides in some fuckin' dark corner 'til it's over. Damn bastard.

But he won' be fuckin' doin' that this year! Hah! I'm fuckin' ready fer it this time!

* * *

_Someone had gotten the bright idea that AVALANCHE should celebrate Valentine's Day together. It had probably been Yuffie who had first had the light bulb over her head, but Tifa had soon picked up on the thought. And Tifa could been unfair when it came to getting people to do things her way._

_Drinks at the Seventh Heaven would be free to AVALANCHE if they all came for Valentine's Day. But only if they _all _came. _

_Valentine's Day was only a week away when word of that got to Cid. Like most of the other male members of the group, he decided that free alcohol was a damn good idea. He was in. _

_There was only one problem._

_"I see no point in that," Vincent said flatly, leaning up against the wall and crossing his arms. Cid noticed that his ankles were crossed too. Vincent had nice ankles and it was nice to see them when he wasn't wearing his unusual boots._

_"C'mon, Vin," Cid wheedled. "It'll be fun. Jus' a little fuckin' get tehgether."_

_It was just as well that Shera had gone out for a little while. If she had still been home, Vincent would have been even more stubborn._

_Vincent gave Cid a stern look. "You just want to get drunk for free."_

_Cid stopped himself from nodding. "Yeh know, I was actually thinkin' that I jus' wanna get _yeh _drunk fer free."_

_Vincent blinked and then abruptly looked away. Cid pounced. They both slid sideways onto the floor and practically under the table._

_"Get off," Vincent growled._

_"Nope," was Cid's cheerful reply. Vincent shoved him and Cid smacked his head on the underside of the table. "Damn fuuuuuuuck…"_

_"Sorry, Chief." Vincent began to wiggle to freedom._

_"Th' fuck yer sorry. Yeh ain't sorry. I'll make yeh sorry!" Cid didn't even have to do much to get his revenge. All he did was let himself fall forward back onto to Vincent, who said something along the lines of "foof" when all the air was deflated from his lungs._

_There was a brief tussle. There were thumping noises as various body parts hit the table. There were exclamations of "Ow!" and "Fuck!"_

_Eventually, it all calmed down. Cid flopped onto the floor next to Vincent and groaned, "I give up. Fuck, Vin, yeh win."_

_Vincent tried to stand, forgot his was under the table, hit his head, and lay back down again. "I always win, Chief." He rubbed the top of his head._

_"Hey, Vin?"_

_"Mm?"_

_"I lied."_

_Cid had just started undoing one of Vincent's belts (why did he need two? Really, now…) when Shera decided to return home from wherever she had been. And she'd brought a friend._

_Unfortunately, being a bit preoccupied, neither Cid nor Vincent noticed until the kitchen door opened and they heard the two chattering female voices. Which stopped chatting abruptly upon entering the kitchen._

_There was a moment of silence. And then some giggling._

_"Shera," Cid growled, visible to the women only as one pair of legs sticking out from under the table._

_"Y-yes, Captain?" She was doing her best not to sound _too _amused._

_"Go th' fuck away."_

_Vincent's face was bright red. Cid got an idea. But he waited until he was absolutely certain Shera and her friend were gone before launching it._

_"Hey, Vin?"_

_"Now what?" He was embarrassed._

_"If yeh come with me teh see Cloud an' th' other fuckin' idiots…."_

_"What?"_

_"I won' tell 'em 'bout th' things yeh say teh me when we fuckin' do it."_

_Vincent glared. "You wouldn't."_

_Cid just smiled._

* * *

_The Seventh Heaven was practically empty, but only in a literal sense._

_AVALANCHE, like a gaseous substance, seemed to slowly fill up all available space until there was no more room. And whatever they did, it was loud._

_Because there would be copious amounts of drinking – Tifa knew her friends – Denzel and Marlene had been put to bed hours ago. But with all the noise, it was certain that they weren't sleeping. Like children do, they were probably wide awake and plotting a way to sneak downstairs and not get sent back up._

_The drinks were free. They were being drunk._

_Vincent, after his initial appearance with Cid, had vanished._

_No one was bothering to look for him much. They were occupied._

_Cloud had presented Tifa was a box of truffles. Yuffie had stolen them, and was now being pursued while she giggled madly._

_Barret was sitting at a table with Reeve. They were both singing very loudly. At their feet, Nanaki howled along with them._

_Cid was drinking. And plotting. Plots seemed to get better when he drank. He didn't know why (and possibly no one would agree with him in any case)._

_Cloud and Tifa finally cornered Yuffie and forced her to return the chocolate. This was done by threatening to smack her with one of the thorny roses Tifa had used to decorate the walls. There was much shrieking and laughing._

_Reeve finally shook himself free from the song he and Barret was murdering. "Sho," he said loudly. "'S Valentin Days. Everyone gotta a love person. Thing. Lover. Yeah."_

_It occurred to Cid that it was really just as well that alcohol was not free all the time._

_"C'mon, Revee," Barret answered, swaying back and forth dangerously. "'Sonly Cloud and Tifa got. Goteachother. Us guys're all along. Oalan. Lonely."_

_Cid glared darkly. He wouldn't be, but Vincent was sulking somewhere, in anticipation of someone making the Joke._

_A thought struck him then. It had been several hours since he'd arrived, and he hadn't seen Marlene and Denzel sneaking down. Not once._

_So that's where yer hidin', Vin…_

* * *

_"It's just not fair," Marlene whined, but cutely. "We want to stay up too."_

_Vincent was sitting on her bed, on the side that was nearest to Denzel's own bed. It had always amazed him how well Marlene got on with him. From what Tifa had said, the little girl had been terrified of Cloud when she's first met him. And yet she'd never had a problem with Vincent._

_"I am sure that this is exactly what Tifa told you, but you will be able to stay up. When you are older."_

_"But Captain Cid calls everyone down there 'kids' all the time," Denzel pointed out. "If they're kids too, then I don't see why we have to stay up here."_

_Vincent thought o himself that Cid himself was a very good reason for having the younger "kids" stay up here. Tifa still hadn't really yet forgiven him for expanding their vocabulary._

_"Vincent?" Marlene asked._

_"Yes?"_

_"Why do you wanna stay with us instead of going down there?"_

_"It's quieter up here." There was a scream of laughter from the bar. "Somewhat."_

_Marlene stared at him with big, brown eyes. "Do you have a valentine, Vincent?"_

_"Do- what?" Vincent was slightly alarmed. This could get dangerous very fast…_

_"'Cause in school, we have to give cards to everyone, but Daley doesn't like Richenda, so he said he forgot, but everyone knows he did it on purpose. Richenda went and his in another class all day."_

_Vincent relaxed. Right. Marlene and Denzel were too young to pick up on the true dangers of the holiday. Whether that involved bad puns or trouble with a _real _valentine._

_"No, that's not why I'm up here," Vincent said. "I just wanted to keep you company." It was only a little white lie._

_"Oh, okay." Marlene snuggled more deeply into her blankets, but Denzel did not look convinced._

_"Vincent…" He began._

_"Mm?"_

_"Isn't it more fun down there? Than up here with us? It's boring up here. I'd rather go downstairs." He was fishing for answers._

_"Well," Vincent began. "The kind of fun down there," there was the sound of glass breaking, "is not the kind of fun I enjoy."_

_"Oh yeah?" A voice growled. Cid walked a little unsteadily into the room._

_Denzel shot upright. He was of the opinion that Cid was the coolest member of AVALANCHE. "Cap'in! Can we go downstairs? Can we? Please?" Marlene soone joined in the begging. Vincent glared at Cid. He'd finally gotten them calmed down when the Captain had come in._

_"Sorry, kid," Cid told Denzel. "I jus' came teh get my Valentine." He grabbed Vincent's hand and turned back to the stairs. "Yeh can have 'im back in a bit." Tifa had been _very _angry about the swearing. Even drunk, Cid would watch what he said around Marlene and Denzel._

_Marlene was watching with round eyes._

_"What are you doing?" Vincent hissed quietly at Cid and he was towed to the door._

_"Jus' said."_

_"You made the Joke!"_

_"Yeh deserve it fer bein' a fuckin' idiot." They were on the stairs. Language could be uncensored once more._

_"Why? I came. Just like I promised."_

_"Yeh fuckin' cheated." Cid clomped down the stairs. "Yeh showed up, sur, but yeh didn' fuckin' come with me. We jus' showed up tehgether."_

_"What?" There were the faintest traces of panic in Vincent's voice. "You didn't- You meant-"_

_They'd reached the bar, but Cid went right on dragging until they stood in the very center of the room._

_"Oh, there you are, Vinny!" Yuffie waved. "Good job finding him, Old Man."_

_Cid flipped off Yuffie with his free hand._

_"Ya depressed 'cause ya don' get any Valentines, Valentine?" That was Barret. Making the Joke. Vincent clenched his teeth._

_"You can always be my Valentine, Vincent!" Yuffie again. Reeve had already sunk into incoherence, which was really just as well._

_"Shut th' fuck up, all 'a yeh!" Cid shouted. Everyone actually obeyed, eager to see what amusement was in store for them. They probably thought it would be some form of the Joke, from the way Vincent was struggling to free his captive hand. In a way, they were all right._

_"Yer all teh fuckin' late!" Cid declared triumphantly. "I got teh 'im first; Vin's _my _fuckin' Valentine."_

_And then Cid kissed him. That would have been bad enough, but it wasn't just a normal kiss. It was a dip, one of the deep one that appears mostly in romance films and rarely in real life. Vincent's complaints were muffled enough that they did not sound like complaints. Besides, he had to hold onto Cid or fall over and send them both to the floor, which would be even more embarrassing._

_But maybe less embarrassing then the cheering._

_Vincent's head spun was he was finally dragged upright again._

_"So th' fuck there," Cid told the rest of AVALANCHE. "'Cause I fuckin' love 'im, an' yeh know what?"_

_"Cid!" Vincent tried to cut him off, but Cid just raised his voice and kept going._

_"Yeh know what he tells me?"_

_"Don't you dare!"_

_"He says he loves me teh."_

_And then there was another kiss. Vincent didn't bother complaining. There was obviously no point._

_Maybe the Joke wasn't so bad. In moderation. If it was Cid._

* * *

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I'll soon go back to the actual story for this fic. But I hope you enjoyed your sugar.

Cid: …… Yeh have no life. Why ain't yeh out havin' a party with people, er somethin'?

Chibi Koun: Because I'd actually rather write silly fan fiction, believe it or not. Besides, I got truffles.

Vincent: ……….

Cid: Funny damn thin' that….

Chibi Koun: Did you give Vincent chocolate? You humiliated him in public (almost). If you don't get chocolate, you're probably sleeping in the garage tonight.

Cid: Th' fuck?! After that damn happy endin' an' everythin'? Th' hell's th' fuckin' point 'a that?!

Vincent: ……I did get chocolate.

Chibi Koun: Ah, I see it wasn't a problem. Cid gets to sleep in bed tonight. Or at least be in the bed tonight…

Cid: Fuck yeh!

Chibi Koun: No thanks. You'll make Vincent angry. It's not a good idea to do that.

Cid: Jus'… Jus'… YEH FUCKIN' PISS ME OFF!

Chibi Koun: Oh good. Anyway, thanks to **PfenixB **for the lovely story for the word prompt I gave you. Happy Valentine's Day!


	7. Shoulders to Cry On

Author's Note:

_Well, here we go; the sad chapter, as promised. Except it's not actually sad, I don't think. I'm bad at writing angst. Well, maybe it's just a _little_ sad. Some sad. Anyway, much thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, and favorites any of my stories! My undying affections to you all! And specially to _**PfenixB **_for actually referencing me in one of her stories. I love you!_

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Shoulders to Cry On

Damn right more 'en one fuckin' shoulder. More on that in a bit, yeh impatient jerks. Fuck.

Anyway, everyone feels shitty sometimes. Yeh gotta fuckin' be there fer yer loved one. Otherwise they'll damn well think yeh don' care. An' they'd be fuckin' right teh.

But yeh can' jus' try teh help 'em feel fuckin better when they're upset. Yeh fuckin gotta ask 'em fer help teh. Yer tryin' teh make a damn partnership.

Look, yeh in th' back. If yeh can' jus' shut th' fuck up RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna get fuckin' arrested when th' police find yer body. An' it'll take 'em some time, 'cause all th' fuckin' bits'll be spread all over the damn planet!

* * *

_Vincent was standing in a corner. Usually, even when not looking at much of anything, he gave the impression of glaring sharply at something. But now his gaze was blank, empty._

_Cid turned his back on Cloud, who was still up on the pedestal. Still holding the body. Cid didn't blame either of them; he himself felt hollow inside his chest. He lit a cigarette, and then tossed it to the ground. It didn't taste right._

_Slowly, like a man in a trance, Cid walked to Vincent, the strange glowing stone clunking softly under his boots._

_"Vin?" Cid asked. He was concerned. Vincent looked… strange. He didn't want Vincent to be upset. And if he thought about Vincent, then he wouldn't have to think about…_

_"Cid." Vincent's voice had gone as cold and hard as it had been when Cid had first met him._

_But Cid knew what that meant now. Vincent's icy armor meant that all the pain was on the inside._

_The hollow part of Cid's chest suddenly filled. He felt as though his heart might explode. Cid lunged the final step forward to Vincent, grabbed the taller man, and roughly pulled him into a crushing hug._

_Vincent didn't even bother to try to escape from Cid's hold, and that, more than anything else, showed just how upset he was. Instead, Vincent's shining, dark head dropped onto Cid's shoulder. Cid rested his cheek on Vincent's hair and stroked the back of Vincent's head, not sure exactly who it was he was comforting._

_"I just stood there," Vincent said, his voice slightly muffled. "I saw how strangely Cloud was behaving. I should have known that Sephiroth would attack. But I just stood there. I did nothing. And now Aeris is dead."_

_Cid tightened his grip on Vincent. "Don' yeh fuckin' dar take all th' damn blame, Vin, yeh idiot," he said, his voice shaking. "I was standin' right th' fuck next teh yeh." Cid choked._

_They stood together for some time, holding each other. Cid squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't see anyway; everything had gone all wavery, like he was looking through water. All he wanted to think about was the person he was clutching. His lifeline._

_There was a warm dampness on Cid's shoulder. Vincent was shaking._

_"Never say yer not human," Cid muttered. "Vin… Humans cry…"_

_

* * *

_

Getting' over that was damn tough. But we managed somehow, 'cause it was that er fuckin' die 'a guilt. An' when yeh know Vincent, yeh know he fuckin' wallows in guilt all th' damn time. 'S like his hobby, er somethin'.

If I had a choice, I damn well woulda had Aeris survive. I liked that kid! She did 'er damn best, an' she didn' deserve what happened. At th' same time, me an' Vin got closer after…

Bein' there fer each other… Hell, that's fuckin' important.

* * *

_Cid was staring at the sky. He'd always done it frequently, but now his gaze was even more obsessive. He knew what it was that lay beyond that arc of blue now. He'd _been _there._

_He wanted it. Now he wanted it more than ever, but the Shinra 26 was gone now. It might be years before another rocket was built, and it was an easy bet that Shinra would not want a member of AVALANCHE in anything belonging to them unless it was a prison._

_He'd had space for all too short a time. Then he'd lost it again._

_Absently, Cid lit his last cigarette. He stared at the stars. Twinkle, twinkle. It was like they were mocking him. Fuckin' stars._

_Cid did not notice at first when Vincent stepped out of the inn and sat on the step next to him. He only realized the other man was there when Vincent's arm brushed against his._

_Vincent didn't say anything. Cid appreciated that._

_It was quite a while before the silence was broken._

_"That was my dream," Cid told the air, reaching for a cigarette before remembering that they were all gone._

_Vincent waited a moment before replying. "You achieved your dream, Chief. You were the first man in space." It was true. Vincent had made sure that he and Cloud were _behind _Cid when the rocket launched._

_Cid snorted. "Hah! What've I got left now, Vin? My fuckin' dream's gone. Th' damn rocket's gone. I had it, Vin… but space is gone, dammit!" Cid wasn't aware of the volume of his voice rising._

_With a small sigh, Vincent stood up. Cid stubbornly refused to ask where he was going. It wasn't like he'd asked for the company._

_But Vincent just stepped in front of Cid and crouched down. He was tall enough that he blocked Cid's relentless gaze._

_"Why do you want to leave this planet so much?" As far as Cid could tell, Vincent sounded angry. "Is there nothing on Gaia you hold precious enough not to leave behind?"_

_Cid leaned back, stung. "Fuck, Vin! I sure as hell wouldn' stay in space fer fuckin' ever." What the hell had gotten him so upset anyway? "Yeh think there's nothin' I care 'bout but space? Dammit, I jus' love teh fly! There's fuckin' nowehere higher teh go than space!"_

_"And you got there," Vincent replied, sounding agitated. "You did it. Aren't you pleased with that?"_

_"Well… Well fuck, Vin." Cid wasn't sure how to convey the fact that he was happy to have reached space, but was even more deeply _un_happy that going back was now impossible._

_Then something clicked. "Nothing on Gaia you hold precious…"_

_"Vincent," Cid growled. "If I wasn' feelin' so damn shitty I'd punch yer fuckin' lights out."_

_Vincent's response was to look nonplussed._

_Cid growled again and grabbed the front of Vincent's cloak, pulled him down, and kissed him roughly. Vincent made an "mmmph" sound and, much to Cid's surprise, hugged Cid close._

* * *

Yep. Persistence is what fuckin' won out.

Hah! Still, I was so damn surprised that Vin – Vincent 'a all fuckin' people – was th' one makin' sure I wasn' goin' anywhere, I fuckin' fergot how damn upset I was.

Guess Vin was real fuckin' worried 'bout me. Kinda sweet, really. Heh. I was winnin' him over, helpin' him teh feel somethin' other 'en angst. Fuckin' angst.

Vin helped me. I had teh fuckin' help him teh.

* * *

_Cloud and Cid trooped out of the cave, Vincent trailing behind. He walked slowly, like a man sleep walking. Cid and Cloud exchanged worried glances._

_"Maybe we should leave him alone," Cloud whispered._

_Cid grunted, taking a deep breath of cigarette smoke. He did _not _think Vincent should be left alone. Vincent left alone in this state would likely go and walk off a cliff._

_"I don't blame him," Cloud continued, oblivious of Cid's inner monologue. "I wouldn't want to talk to anyone either."_

_Cid glanced back at Vincent, whose stare was achingly blank and empty. Cid's heart twisted in his chest. He'd been trying so hard to rebuild Vincent's shattered life, to help Vincent feel, to _heal _him. He'd been succeeding. Vincent had been warming, sometimes even…_

_But Vincent had gotten a reminder of his past and was sinking back away._

_That fuckin' _bitch_!_

_"Cloud," Cid growled. "Yeh go ahead."_

_Cloud turned in surprise. "No offense, Cid, but how do you think you can help him?"_

_Even in the circumstances, Cid had to stop and wonder at Cloud's selective cluelessness. Everyone _else _in AVALANCHE knew and often teased Cid about the progress he was making with Vincent. Of course, one had to stop and readjust one's brain when one considered that Cloud had no idea that Tifa was stalking him._

_"Jus' fuckin' go, yeh damn ass!"_

_Cloud scrambled away._

_After waiting a moment, Cid tossed his cigarette into the lake (littering guilt was for other people) and turned back to Vincent._

_Vincent stared at Cid like he was a stranger._

_"Vin?" Cid tried, taking a step closer._

_"I should have done something," Vincent said dully. It took Cid a moment to catch on to what he was talking about. "I should have saved her, but instead…"_

_Cid found that he had very little sympathy for Vincent in this case. No, that wasn't true; he was sympathetic, but he was pissed the hell off that Vincent was hogging all the blame for himself. And there were so many people more guilty than Vincent._

_"Th' fuck could yeh've done?" Cid snapped. Vincent flinched. "Kidnapped her? Killed that fuckin' bastard Hojo?" Actually, that might have worked. No, Vincent would have been tried for murder._

_Cid at least did manage to achieve something: Vincent stopped being emotionless and started being angry._

_"No! But I should have done something! I should have convinced Lucrecia not to take part in the experiment! I should have saved her!" After so long keeping his emotions about the events thirty years before wired down, Vincent's control was breaking down. Soon he was shouting at Cid. "All of this is my doing! If only I had stopped her, Sephiroth would never have been born! If he succeeds with his plan, then it is another of my sins!"_

_Cid was ready to let Vincent bleed out his emotional pain right up until:_

_"I deserve all that Hojo has done to me. It is a fitting punishment."_

_The blow actually made Vincent stumble back a step. He stared at Cid in surprise and hurt, the livid mark on one cheek matching the color of his eyes._

_"Don' yeh fuckin' _dare _start with that shit!" Cid roared. "Th' only fuckin' punishment yeh need is a spankin' fer actin' like a damn whiny kid!"_

_"A sp-…?" Vincent flushed._

_Cid's brain caught up to his mouth. Alright, he could have phrased that better. Oh well._

_"Yeah, a fuckin' spankin'," Cid snarled. "An' I'll be more 'en happy teh be th' one teh fuckin' give it teh yeh."_

_Vincent blinked at took a slow step back from Cid. Once again, something that could have been better explained. Ah well._

_"Yeh made yer choices, Vin. She made 'ers. Yeh can' fuckin' control people. It's not yer damn fault!"_

_Vincent dropped his gaze. He stared at his feet, a curtain of black hair hiding his face. "You wouldn't understand," he said very quietly._

_Cid swore. "Never fuckin' say yeh deserve what happened, Vin. Never fuckin' say that. It ain't fuckin' true." He turned and began the walk back to the submarine, where Cloud was waiting, undoubtedly impatiently. "If yer not on that damn sub in five minutes, I'm comin' an' carryin' yeh in over my fuckin' shoulder."_

_Vincent was silent all the way back to Junon. That was normal for him, but Cid worried all the same. However, he'd already gotten in Vincent's face, so it was best to let him think for a while._

_As long as Vincent was watched. To make certain that he wouldn't go walking off any cliffs._

_It was much later that evening, when Cid was smoking pensively in a small, private room on the Highwind, that the beginning of the end of Vincent's tragedy came._

_Vincent had made no move to talk to Cid since their confrontation by Lucrecia's cave. So Cid was brooding. Hell, if Vincent could waste thirty years by brooding in a coffin, then Cid was damn well owed five minutes of brooding in a closet!_

_A light, hesitant knock on the door roused Cid from his thoughts. He grunted to let whoever was at the door know they could enter._

_The door creaked open slowly. Cid turned away from the wall and saw Vincent, eyes half-lidded, still observing the ground._

_Cid waited._

_"I…" Vincent muttered. He looked up and met Cid's eyes nervously. "I need help, Cid… Will you…?" He trailed off. Cid crushed his cigarette against the wall, still waiting._

_"I want to… to be human again. Will you teach me?"_

_It wasn't exactly the question Cid had been hoping for, but it would do. For now. He opened his arms and Vincent stepped hesitantly – Cid wondered why – into his hold. _

_"Fuck, Vin," Cid muttered. "All yeh had teh do was ask."_

_"I was afraid," Vincent said, just as quietly. "I'm still afraid."_

_"Th' hell yeh scared 'a?" Cid asked. His voice was slightly muffled; his lips were exploring the curve of Vincent's ear._

_"That I would lose you. I don't want to lose you, not the way I lost…" Vincent trailed off, remembering the way their last conversation on that topic had ended. "Ow!"_

_"Stop fuckin' bein' so damn depressin'," Cid growled. "Or I'll bite yeh again."_

_Vincent actually sighed, but not sadly. "Careful, Chief. I bite back."_

_Cid grinned. "That's what I fuckin' like teh hear."_

_"… Are you going to spank me?"_

_"Want me teh?"_

_"No thank you. Someone would probably hear."_

_"Damn. An' yeh were fuckin' askin' fer it, teh."_

* * *

An' that was that. I was there fer 'im. Teh be fuckin' sympathetic an' shit, er teh give 'im that damn spankin'. Heh. An' teh make out in closets. Good fuckin' stuff. But no actual fuckin' yet.

Soon. Real damn soon.

That was Vin. Playin' hard teh get.

But I was fuckin' _winnin'. _

* * *

Har har har! Wasn't that fun, boys and girls?

Cid: Fuck no!

Vincent: No.

Chibi Koun: Sure it was! By the way, all the stuff about spanking… Blame K. Haruka and that one doujin she did, Scandalous na Kizuna. I love that one! Far too much, it seems. Anyway, this chapter is, first of all, a bit long. Yay! Second of all, it's a lot wonky. Aw. I had a bad cold when I wrote most of this, and – as I said before – I'm none to good with angst. That's what reading Terry Pratchett does to you. It makes you want to leap at your favorite characters, slap them, and yell, "GOD JUST GET OVER IT!" Fun stuff, fun stuff.


	8. Showing off some Balls

Author's Note:

_Sorry for the wait, everyone. I really had planned on having this chapter up earlier, but I had an extremely rough week. There were the usual problems with school, but on Thursday (not last, but the one before) my great grandmother on my mother's side passed away. She was the most wonderful lady I have ever known. On Friday we went to her funeral, and after that I didn't feel much like writing. After that was the wonderful world of standardized tests (what wonderful timing), and then Academic Bowl, which was fun but tiring. So here you go. Finally. Oh yes, here is the beginning of the M-ratedness. No sex yet, but Cid has some fun describing himself. At length. With an anecdote._

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Showing off some Balls

So yeah. I'm sure yeh've all acted like total fuckin' morons before. An' I'm sure th' person yeh were tryin' teh impress told yeh how fuckin' stupid yeh were teh do somethin' so fuckin' retarded.

See? I knew it! Yer all fuckin' guilty! Yeh poor bastards.

Yeah, yeah, I'm damn guilty 'a it teh. Shut up, I'm getting' there.

So no, yeh idiots, I'm not gonna fuckin' tell yeh teh knock it th' hell off. Sure, maybe getting' called a fuckin' moron by yer love ain't th' greatest experience, but _at least they were payin' attention teh yeh._

Yeah, I see yer all sittin' up. Interested now, eh?

Wanna know th' fuckin' best part? 'Course yeh do.

If they're calling yeh an idiot, means they fuckin' care enough that they don' want yeh teh do somethin' stupid again. Don' want yeh teh get hurt, right?

Nice deal, eh? Show off yer balls teh be impressive, find out yer chosen one's watching, an' that they fuckin' care. Turns out there _was _a damn good reason fer bein' so fuckin' stupid. Besides, "'cause I could," which I'm damn sure is what y'all said, right?

Yep, I'm fuckin' guilty. I wanted teh show off alittle, impress Vin. Y'know, wanted teh look good. Fuck, up 'til then I thought I grew outta that a damn long while ago. Guess not, eh?

… I never woulda gotten on that fuckin' train if Vin hadn't been there.

* * *

_Panting like a sawhorse, Cid skidded up to the tower. He wheezed a bit and leaned against the curved metal wall and glared at Vincent and Yuffie, both of whom had kept up easily and neither of whom were out of breath. Damn jerks._

_Vincent, to his credit, didn't say anything. He did eye Cid and look, as far as Cid could tell, slightly worried._

_Yuffie, however, never had any trouble voicing her opinions. "Sure you're up to this after all, old man?"_

_"Shut up, yeh damn fuckin' brat!" Cid snapped, or tried to. Huge Materia be damned; he needed a minute to catch his breath._

_He felt the rumbling a moment later. The metal under his hand vibrated, and the wood platform under his feet began to shake. It was rhythmic. Almost like…_

_Vincent was staring at the large, open door of the tower. Cid's gaze was dragged downwards only slightly against his will; Vincent was standing firm, but his long legs were vibrating along with the train tracks he still stood on._

_"Wh- what's that?" Yuffie asked, nearly losing her balance._

_Vincent's eyes narrowed as he stared at the tower's door. Then, abruptly, he grabbed Yuffie by the scruff of her neck, ignoring her shriek of protest, and leaped – catlike – off the train tracks. He landed neatly on the platform next to Cid, depositing Yuffie at his feet._

_No sooner had Vincent's boots touched the wood when Cid's heart – already hammering – leapt into his throat as a train – a train! – zoomed and rattled out from the tower, just a few inches from Cid's face._

_Cid stayed very still until the machine of speeding death had passed. Was he having a heart attack? He seemed oddly light-headed. Why was the floor spinning?_

_"Hey! Old guy!" Cid snapped out of his stupor at the sound of Yuffie's voice._

_"Now what?" Cid actually succeeded in sounding sharp that time._

_"They got away with the Huge Materia! What're we gonna do?"_

_Despite the fact that it was Yuffie who was yelping indignantly and making rude gestures after the rapidly vanishing train, it was Vincent that Cid was watching. Vincent was quietly looking back at Cid._

_Cid silently groaned to himself. He'd been selected as AVALANCHE's leader until Cloud recovered from the mako poisoning because he had experience in command. Besides, Cid liked to think of himself as a natural leader. Unfortunately, that meant that it was now his responsibility to come up with plans on the fly. Why couldn't AVALANCHE have become a committee, or something?_

_Vincent was watching. Cid ground his teeth. He would not – could not – allow himself to fail. Not in front of Vincent._

_He _would _catch that train, if it was the last thing he did!_

_Let's see… One train had come from the tower. There was a chance. Cid threw himself at the tower's open door. He grinned in satisfaction at the cold, metal interior of the building, but mostly at the slightly rusted iron machine that sat on the very end of the tracks._

_"Whar are you doing?" Vincent's voice echoed slightly, and Cid could tell that the unspoken words at the end of the question were "_this _time?"_

_"Catchin' up teh th' Shinra bastards," Cid replied, hopping into the front of the train and settling himself in front of the controls. "Get yer ass up here." Watch this, Vin._

_There was a single, echoey clunk that was Vincent gracefully landing behind Cid, and a less graceful, clattering scramble that was Yuffie._

_"I'm impressed," Vincent remarked. Cid grinned. Alright! "You know how to drive one of these, too?"_

_Cid could lie. He wanted Vincent to continue to be impressed. On the other hand, if he did lie it would soon become obvious. Then he would just look stupid._

_"Nope," Cid said cheerfully. He began pushing buttons and pulling levers at random. He was going to be a hero!_

_Behind him, Cid heard a choking sound from Yuffie and one of those wordless sounds of Vincent's that signaled he was startled. Then there was brief silence (excepting all the sound Cid was generating as he attempted to get a reaction from the train's old engine)._

_"What should we do, Vinny?" Yuffie asked pointedly. Vincent ground his teeth at "Vinny."_

_At that moment there was a loud _cashunk! _The train began to wheeze and vibrate. Cid whooped in triumph. Slowly, laboriously, the train started to groan forward._

_"There yeh go, yeh fucker!" Cid shouted happily over the train's squeals. "See that? There ain't fuckin _nothin' _I can' do with machines!"_

_"I hate to say it," Vincent said in a quietly reasonable tone. "But we would go faster if we were to get out and run."_

_"Jus' yeh fuckin' wait, Vin." I'll show yeh._

_So… He'd hit some buttons and the engine had started. Okay. But the train hadn't actually begun moving until he'd pulled the lever on the right. Okay. The right lever must be acceleration. After he'd pulled it, it had gone back to its resting position. So… Just keep pulling it to go faster?_

_Cid pulled the lever. Nothing happened. The train continued at its lazy pace. Cid snarled a word he would not say to his own dear mother._

_Alright. Well, he's pulled the lever on the left before he'd pulled the one on the right. Maybe the mechanism was just old and worked slowly._

_Cid yanked on the left lever. No response. He thought he could hear Yuffie snigger. No, dammit! He would _not _be made a fool of in front of Vincent!_

_At a loss completely, but unwilling to admit it, Cid angrily yanked on the right lever, and then the left immediately after. The train coughed and spluttered, then lurched forward and a suddenly faster speed._

_Yuffie yelped and grabbed an old railing to stop herself from being flung from the train. Cid crowed with delight._

_"Now I got yeh, yeh damn thin'!" He pulled the two levers rhythmically. Right left right left right left right left… The train stopped squealing as it went faster. It began to sound the healthy _chukka chukka _of a speeding, well, train. Still, Cid did have to wonder… "Who th' fuck builds a train like this? Stupidest damn thin' I ever seen." His arms would be exhausted by the time they caught up to the Shinra._

_Still, he was succeeding! Cid carefully turned his head, feeling his shoulders protest. Yuffie was clinging with all her might to her railing, the ends of her headband flapping violently in the wind. Cid couldn't hear her, but it looked like she was either praying for survival or cursing at him._

_Vincent was holding on with his right hand, his claw hanging by his side. His hair was blown back from his face, and he stared forward. "We're catching up," he said. Cid thought he did, anyway; he couldn't hear, but that's what it looked like._

_Cid faced the direction the train was going in again. His eyes instantly began to water because of the stinging wind. He squinted. Yes, there was the other train! Yeh see me, Vin? Cid felt rather smug._

_Almost there…_

_"'Kay!" Cid called back to the other two. "Once we're close we're gonna fuckin' jump!" It was a good thing that would happen soon; Cid's arms were _not _happy._

_Chukka chukka chukka…_

_There was a warmth at Cid's side. Cid was watching the train that they were approaching, so he didn't turn to Vincent, though he shivered pleasurably when he felt a pair of lips at his ear. "We're ready," Vincent said. Cid wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't been so close._

_"Right," Cid growled. "We'll start fuckin' slowin' down soon as I stop fuckin' pumpin'. Gotta do this fast as hell."_

_Vincent just nodded._

_Closer… Closer…_

_"Now!" Cid roared. He threw himself at the back of the Shinra train. He grunted when he landed awkwardly, catching himself with one hand. By the time Cid stood again, Vincent and Yuffie were rising from their own landings._

_"Y'now what?" Yuffie shouted, readying her shuriken. "At this rate, the train'll crash right into Corel!"_

_Cid snarled a curse. She was right dammit! The tracks weren't used any more, and the Corel shanty town had been built right on them! Which meant that if they didn't stop the train in time they, along with everyone in Corel, were toast. Really crispy toast._

_"We have enough time," Vincent said calmly. Cid could barely hear him over the wind. "If we hurry."_

_Thus began sever exciting minutes of hopping up the train, car by car, occasionally stopping to fight off whatever Shinra had guarding that particular car._

_"Fuckin' shit," Cid muttered to himself. This was more than he'd bargained for when he'd set out to impress Vincent with his amazing leadership skills. But he sure as hell wasn't gonna give up now. Not with Vincent there._

_"I can see the town!" Yuffie screamed when they finally reached the front car."_

_Cid snatched at the controls. Okay, okay… Pulling the levers one after another was acceleration… So would pulling them at the same time be deceleration? It better be, because one screw up could be the fatal one. There was no time for screw ups._

_Cid gave it a try. These controls were in much better condition than the ones on the other train. Cid's arms were glad they didn't have to work so hard this time._

_The train shuddered. Were they slowing? It was hard to tell; they were speeding along so fast already…_

_Yuffie screamed again. "We're too close!"_

_Cid pulled the levers desperately. Yes! Yes, the train was slowing down! But it would take time to bring it to a full stop. Would there be enough time? They had been going so fast to begin with._

_Vincent's voice suddenly rose above the sounds of the train. "Hit the brakes, Chief!"_

_Well, that was the first time Cid had ever heard Vincent scream. Unusual. And very, very bad._

_Cid gritted his teeth. He would _not _crash any train that Vincent was riding. He _would _stop in time. He _would _save the town. He _would _get the Huge Materia. He _would _succeed for Vincent._

_As if responding to his fierce determination, the train slowed drastically. There were two synchronized yelps from behind Cid._

_"Alright, c'mon…" Cid muttered. "Work fer me… I gotta love interest teh look good fer…"_

_The train screamed in agony. The wheels locked. Sparks flew. Cid clung to the levers for dear life, shouting obscenities at any god that would dare to kill him now._

_Corel was too close. It was still approaching. It was too late._

_Cid squeezed his eyes shut until all the noise had died away._

_"I think I'm alive," Yuffie said shakily. "I hurt too much to be dead."_

_Wanting to roll his eyes at her, Cid opened them. He looked around and gaped. "Well… fuckin' 'ell," he said, hardly daring to believe._

_The train had stopped barely five yards from Corel's first junk-built dwelling. The inhabitants of the run-down town were approaching, looking awe-stricken._

_Cid was all too ready to strut for them and accept their praise for stopping the train, but there was someone he wanted to check on first._

_Vincent disembarked from the train, a little less gracefully than he normally would have. Cid hopped down and grinned. Vincent responded with what would have been a glare if he hadn't looked so shell-shocked._

_"Never, ever do that again," he said sternly. He walked, slightly shakily, to one of the nearby shops and sat down on the tarp._

_"Did I scare yeh?" Cid asked innocently. Vincent didn't reply. "I fuckin' told yeh I c'n do anythin' with any damn machine."_

_Vincent glared. Cid grinned and pulled a cigarette down from the pack stuck in his goggle strap._

_Screw the townspeople. This was more important._

_"Thanks fer th' nickname, Vin."_

_Vincent was blank for a moment. Then he colored._

* * *

Lookin' back, getting' on that train was a damn stupid idea. If I hadn't had a helluva lot 'a fuckin' good luck, I'da gotten Yuffie an' Vincent fuckin' killed. But I jus' _had _teh go an' an' prove that I was fuckin' Cid Highwind, an' me an' m'balls could do fuckin' anythin'.

God, I wanted teh prove teh Vin that my damn big balls an' Wonder Cock could do fuckin' anything.

Don' fuckin' stare like that, yeh bastards. Yeh know yer thinkin' th'exact same fuckin' thin' 'bout yer own love interests, an' don' any 'a yeh damn freaks deny it.

Heh, an' later on, I _did _fuckin' prove it teh him.

More on that in a bit.

* * *

FWA HA HA HA HA!!!! Thank you, Cid, for encouraging wanton stupidity. Just what the world needs. Have you read the Darwin Awards, by any chance?

Cid: ...."Wonder Cock?" I have no fuckin' words fer how fuckin' HRSREAJFFRSTESAHJVUTK!

Vincent: ….!

Chibi Koun: I don't know. That happens to amuse me. Besides, I can definitely imagine you saying that.

Vincent: I think Cid just died.

Chibi Koun: Just kick him until he gets over it. By the way, in case you lovely readers hadn't noticed, but these little stories follow no real time line. Cid picks them as they support whatever mental trip he's taking, but they don't follow the game's plot.

Also, some of the quotes in this chapter were directly from the game! The train mission was one of my favorite parts, so while I screwed with most of the dialogue, I left in the best jewels, such as, "I'm impressed. You know how to drive one of these too?" "Nope." And, of course, "Hit the brakes, Chief!"

Hee hee hee hee!

Thank you everyone who reviews, reads, and yada yada. I love you!


	9. Dates

Author's Note:

_Well, I started writing this as soon as I finished up the last wonderful chapter. Oh my poor sanity… Wherever did I leave you? You know what? I just realized that this is the second-to-last chapter (penultimate!)! How time does fly. I'll definitely miss this one; I've never had so much fun writing before. Anyway, I'm sorry for the late update. Life is busy right now._

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Dates

Alright, I gotta fuckin' admit that yeh jerks'll prob'ly have an easier time with this fuckin' thin' than I did. I mean, yer girls prob'ly enjoy goin' out an' crap, right? An' they bug th' shit outta yeh if yeh don' fuckin' take 'em out often enough, right?

Not Vin, th' antisocial bastard. He fuckin' hated goin' out in public. Still does, damn 'im. Took a lot 'a damn hard work teh get him outta that room. An' then I had teh keep fuckin' doin' it, 'cause it's not fuckin' dating if yeh only do it once.

Try diff'rent thin's. Find somethin' they like, that yeh like. Then yer both havin' a damn good time, an' everyone fuckin' wins.

An' if they're havin' fun with yeh, an' they see yer havin' fun with 'em, yer more fuckin' likely teh get lucky that night. Heh.

Oh yeah. Tyin' inteh th' last lesson here. Do something' damn impressive. Give yer chosen one a night teh fuckin remember.

* * *

_Cloud had reluctantly allowed AVALNACHE a two day break at Costa de Sol. They'd been on the move, nonstop, for weeks. Everyone needed some time to regain their strength. _

_And Costa de Sol was a town on permanent vacation. It was built for tourists, so it was full to the brim of fun, sand, sun, and alcohol. Who didn't love Costa de Sol?_

_Vincent, that's who. He seemed to be personally offended by the constant heat and sunshine. So, instead of joining his friends for swims in the ocean or ice creams on the beach, he lurked in his hotel room, keeping the lights off and the curtains drawn._

_Cid could accept that. Vin didn't like how bright the sun was. Fair enough. With skin like that he'd probably have gotten badly burned within five minutes anyway. Cid _did _harbor regrets that he wouldn't get to see Vincent in swimming trunks. Oh well. It probably wouldn't have happened anyway._

_Evening, however, was another matter. If Vincent didn't stop haunting the room at the inn and scaring the poor maids (who could have _sworn _that room was empty), then Cid was going to personally drag his sorry ass out._

_But it was only fair to give poor Vincent a chance first._

_Cid stopped in the room after a dip in the ocean. The cool water had been invigorating. He whistled cheerfully as he slammed the door open and resisted the powerful urge to slap Vincent with his wet towel._

_"Hey, sexy vampire."_

_Vincent took a cautious step back. "You are in a good mood." His tone suggested that this was not good for his health._

_"Damn right I am." Cid dropped the towel on his bed and reached for a pair of pants that hadn't been soaked in salt water._

_"I am not a vampire."_

_Cid whipped the curtains open and grinned as Vincent flinched and looked for a shadow to hide in. "Guess not. No fuckin' turnin' teh dust."_

_Absently, Cid began going through his pockets and dropping things on his bed. "Things" was an accurate description. There were bits of string, pieces of plastic and metal, small chance, and various other miscellanea._

_Somehow, a small piece of paper ended up on Vincent's pillow while Vincent was busy closing the curtains._

_Cid took his leave, pausing for a moment to give Vincent a kiss. Vincent, as usual, seemed to be completely taken surprise by Cid's sudden attack. But then – again as usual – Vincent stepped away far sooner than Cid had wanted. Ah well. Might as well be grateful for any kisses at all._

_Cid went out in search of fun._

_Much later – evening, in fact – he found it in the bar on the bottom floor of the inn._

_Staring into a brightly-colored drink, Cid sighed. This probably would not work. It would most likely do nothing but make him miserable. But it was worth a try._

_Cid thought back to the note he had left._

_Vincent, _

_Meet in the bar. 8 o clock. No cape._

_-Cid_

_Simple. But maybe hard to understand; Cid's handwriting was not the best._

_Cid looked at the watch he normally wore under his gloves (which he'd elected to leave off) and sighed again. Eight forty. Maybe he shouldn't have bothered. Vincent hated people. He wouldn't drag himself down from his hiding spot, but he'd feel guilty about it and apologize in that hollow little voice that broke Cid's heart._

_A wolf-whistle abruptly cut through Cid's self-pitying thoughts. The sound hurt his ears, and he turned to give the whistler a piece of his mind (and undoubtedly start a brawl) when his eye was caught by the person standing in the doorway that led to the rest of the inn._

_Knowing Vincent as well as he did, Cid could tell that the man was positively terrified at the prospect of having to enter the crowded bar, without even his cloak to hide in. He'd obeyed Cid to the letter (pun intentional)._

_Everyone else in the room just saw a slim, tall, slightly frightening man glide into the room, pause, spot Cid, and sweep coolly over to him._

_Cid felt a rush of affection. Vincent hated people, hated crowds, hated noise. He was frightened of the stares he was getting and how the demons might react to them._

_But he'd come anyway._

_Vincent slid onto the bar stool next to Cid and glared at him rather defensively._

_"Yeh came," Cid said softly. "A bit fuckin' late, though."_

_"I can always leave," Vincent snarled quietly. Yep, definitely defensive._

_"Aw, don' do that. Not after I finally got yer ass down here."_

_Cid loved seeing Vincent without the cloak. He was beautiful, and it was a shame to have such looks covered. But Vincent seemed smaller without the cloak; it was easier to see just how painfully thin he was (Cid _would _get him to eat more), and he even seemed a little shorter, though that was most likely caused by his self-assurance dropping without his disguise._

_"Is there something you want to tell me?" Vincent asked warily. "You should have come up. It is quieter."_

_A small, immature part of Cid whooped and cheered about Vincent inviting him to a bedroom, even if it was just a room at an inn they were sharing for a few nights._

_"Yeah, there's sorta somethin'." Cid lit a cigarette and pushed his drink at Vincent. "Here. Try that."_

_Vincent looked dubiously at the glass, obviously put off by the bright colors of the liquid._

_Cid realized that he was getting a suspicious look from the bar tender. He flashed her his best grin. "C'mon, do I look like some fuckin' bastard who'd try date-rape?"_

_Vincent choked and hurriedly replaced the glass on the counter._

_Cid burst out laughing at the look on Vincent's face. "Now look what yeh fuckin' did, lady. I'll never git any damn alcohol in 'im now."_

_The bar tender fought a smile and lost. "Sorry 'bout that. But we get all sorts of creeps in here. Sorry for scaring you, cutie." This last remark was directed at Vincent, who was struggling to repair his dignity._

_Cid gulped down the drink, since Vincent wasn't going to want it. "Alright, Vin, let's git th' hell outta here."_

_Vincent's suspicion grew. "Where are you planning to go?"_

_"Oh, jus' this place…"_

_"Just this place" had taken a lot of gil and some name dropping for a reservation. But Vincent was worth it. The look on Vincent's face when he realized where Cid was taking him was certainly worth it. Cid was becoming quite fond of that face. It was all innocent and shocked and reminded Cid of a confused kitten. And it made Cid want to grab Vincent and have his way with the poor, sweet man right in the middle of the street. But it was probably best not to attempt that._

_"Are you absolutely sure you'll be allowed in, Chief?" Vincent asked dryly. The street was nearly empty, so he'd calmed down quite a bit._

_Cid thought about how much lighter his wallet was. "They'd fuckin' better," he growled._

_Vincent stared up at the ornate façade of the restaurant. Cid could feel him start to withdraw._

_"C'mon," Cid commanded, grabbing Vincent's hand and pulling him to the door. Vincent, much to his surprise, did not make any attempts to escape._

_The maitre-d sneered at Cid and looked slightly alarmed by Vincent. Cid began to wonder if his idea had been so wonderful after all._

_Soon after they were seated at a small table in the corner, all the other diners fled the restaurant. Cid felt himself attracting dirty looks from the waiting staff. Hey, it wasn't _his _fault! Who takes formal wear with them while going out to save the world? The fact that Cid had "lost" all his formal wear years ago was beside the point._

_Vincent, aside from the claw and bandana and fingerless glove, looked to be properly dressed from the place. Cid raised an eyebrow. The Turks he'd run into so far had worn black suits. Vincent was the only one in button-down black silk. Of course, he was also the only one who habitually wore a red cloak, so who knew?_

_No, this had not been a good idea. It was impossible to relax, what with the formality of the setting and the frigidity of the staff. Vincent appeared to get more nervous as time passed. Or so Cid thought; the flickering candle light made it difficult to read his face._

_Vincent stared at the white table cloth while Cid read the wine list. He fidgeted when the bottle was brought to the table. When a glass was poured, Cid feared that Vincent would actually flee. Vincent did not run, though he refused to look at Cid, and Cid could feel all his hard work of weeks come crumbling down around him._

_And he had no idea _why.

_When the annoyed man who'd brought the wine left, Cid decided that the silence had stretched too long, and that it was time to say something. Damn, the cold atmosphere was the place was intense; it had actually kept him quiet for a long while._

_"Vin?" Cid tried, and got no indication that Vincent had heard him. "Look at me, Vin."_

_Reluctantly, Vincent ceased his in-depth examination of the was dripping down a candle._

_"Yeh okay? Yeh look like hell."_

_Absently, one of Vincent's long, graceful fingers traced patterns on the tablecloth. "I think the waiters are upset," he murmured._

_A light turned on over Cid's head. Vincent always took everything very personally. "Yeah, an' if yeh notice, they're all fuckin' pissed at me." Cid shook his head._

_He got a tiny, wry smile from Vincent. "Well, most people dress to eat here, I gather." The smile disappeared as fast as it had come. Vincent clearly had something on his mind, but wasn't sharing._

_"I am fuckin' dressed," Cid grumbled. Before he could ask was _really _biting Vincent, the waiter was back with the dinner menus. He placed one – abruptly, almost rudely – in front of Cid, and another – gently – in front of Vincent. The man left again._

_"Pick somethin'," Cid commanded, snapping his own menu open. All he wanted was a nice evening out (and hopefully a nice evening _in _to follow) with Vincent. Was that too much to ask?_

_Vincent opened the menu. His eyes narrowed. "There are no prices listed."_

_Cid raised his menu to hide his lying face. The prices were sure as hell listed on his. Numbers that big couldn't be imaginary. "Vin, if yeh don' fuckin' pick somethin', I'm orderin' fer yeh, like yer a damn five-year-old."_

_The waiter soon returned and collected the menus. He took their orders, and Cid seriously considered taking the man outside and killing him for the way he smiled at Vincent. The bastard._

_Once they were alone once more, Cid attempted conversation._

_"Alright, th' hell's bitin' yer ass?" Cid demanded. Subtlety was for those who could afford it._

_Vincent took a cautious sip of the wine, ignoring Cid's question._

_Cid gave up for the moment. "Is it good?"_

_Vincent nodded._

_"Good." Cid raised his glass. "How 'bout a toast?"_

_"To what?" Vincent's tone was far too suspicious._

_"Not bein' fuckin' poisoned teh death by an angry cook sounds damn good teh me."_

_"I believe I can agree to that."_

_The glasses chimed cheerfully when they met. Cid gulped down his wine rather more quickly than he should have; watching Vincent delicately sip the liquid was doing wonderfully bad things to his libido._

_Cid refilled Vincent's glass. Vincent did not try to avoid him, but he did look away. Cid's eyes narrowed. Vincent's white cheeks appeared to be… well… pink. Not white. As far as Cid could tell in the dim light, anyway._

_Oh, was _that_ the problem? Cid could deal with _that. _With pleasure._

_Vincent went back to tracing patterns on the tablecloth._

_Cid's mind cast about for something to say. Unfortunately, he was interrupted – again – by the waiter. Cid began to wonder if the bastard was doing it intentionally. At least he'd brought the food; Cid's stomach had been waiting impatiently._

_The waiter, with a look of distaste, placed Cid's steak on the table. Vincent's dinner was delivered with far more grace. Cid ground his teeth. Jus' fuckin' keep it up, buddy…_

_Vincent, to Cid's aggravation, had ordered soup. Dammit, Vincent was too fuckin' skinny teh go pullin' shit like that!_

_Pointedly, Cid ignored the waiter and began to cut his meat. Vincent stirred his soup, staring at it like he thought it might reveal the secrets of the universe to him. The waiter left reluctantly._

_There was a silence. Cid could feel the nervousness pouring off of Vincent. It seemed too intense to be caused by mere shyness or embarrassment, which is what Cid had thought might be the source. Vincent toyed with his spoon, watched the ripples in the soup, put the spoon back, picked it up again, and did not look at Cid. Had anyone ever seen Vincent reveal so much discomfort?_

_"I really don' think it's fuckin' poisoned, Vin," Cid pointed out, and took a bite of steak for emphasis. Vincent ate one spoonful of soup, making parts of Cid go tight and tingly._

No one _had the right to do that. Damn, how could anyone be so fuckin' sexy jus' slupin' soup off a spoon??_

_Cid beat that thought off before something ba- worse happened._

_Fuck, Vin, Cid thought, watching the man carefully drink another spoonful. Yeh'd better fuckin' be in bed with me tehnight…_

_A half hour past was little talk and no lowering of the tension._

_In that time, Vincent had eaten only half of what he'd been served and Cid had finally had enough of _that _sort of nonsense. He stabbed one of the last bits of steak with his fork._

_"Hey, Vin."_

_Vincent looked up. Cid had insisted on Vincent looking at him when he spoke._

_"Whaddya think 'a this?"_

_Vincent sighed. "What are you- !" He was cut off when Cid carefully stuck the laden fork in his mouth. Vincent sat very still, obviously wondering what he was supposed to do now._

_"Yeh need more damn meat on yer bones, Vin," Cid remarked, still holding the fork. "But I'm a nice guy." Vincent looked skeptical, wondering when Cid would remove the fork from his mouth. "So I'll cut yeh a deal. Yeh can fuckin' finish yer dinner, or I can feed yeh. Yer choice."_

_Vincent made a distressed noise. Cid grinned at him and gently pulled the fork back. It returned to him sans steak, and Cid felt rather accomplished as he watched Vincent chew._

_Feeling much better, Cid took a bite of meat for himself. Vincent's face flared bright red when the fork went into Cid's mouth._

_"Somethin' wrong, Vin?" Cid asked innocently. Vincent immediately ducked his head. He muttered something. "What?"_

_"Candle-lit dinner, Chief?" Vincent asked quietly._

_"Well… Yeah." Funny how quickly Vincent could embarrass Cid._

_Vincent played with his spoon again. "Why?" He finally asked._

_"Fuck, ain't it obvious?" Cid stood up. Vincent was worrying him._

_"No. I don't understand."_

_Cid laid a hand on Vincent's shoulder. "Finish yer food, Vin."_

_Quietly, Vincent did so._

_They left._

_Evening had taken hold of Costa de Sol. In the distance, Cid heard music and laughter. The streets were colored purple by the fading light._

_Vincent was putting distance between himself and Cid._

_Crap, Cid thought. Th' fuck did I do wrong?_

_One thing was certain: Cid didn't want Vincent to spend the entire night awake and worrying. That would keep _him _awake, and he was far too aware of Vincent tonight for that to be healthy._

_Cid grabbed Vincent's hand. "C'mon, Vin. One more thin' I gotta show yeh."_

_Vincent went along without a fuss, but his hand was as cold as ice. Cid gripped it tighter in an effort to warn it up._

_Over the course of the day, Cid had learned how easy it was to reach the beach from anywhere in town. So it only took a few minutes to make the journey to where the water lapped the sand._

_Now that the sun was down, the air was cool and comfortable, not burning and hot. The sand was also more comfortable, and it was silvery in the moonlight. The ocean was a shining dark thing, reflecting the light of the moon and stars. And, above all, the sound of the waves was calming._

_And it was empty. They had the beach to themselves, since most couples would be seeking the official strip of sand._

_Cid released Vincent's hand and lit a cigarette. "Nice, eh?" Wouldn' fuckin' mind livin' here. 'Cpet fer th' damn tourists."_

_Vincent didn't reply, but he didn't step away either._

_"C'mon, Vin! Say somethin', dammit!"_

_"… It is nice."_

_Okay… That was a start._

_"Explain."_

_"Huh?" Cid blinked._

_"The dinner."_

_"Oh yeah. That," Cid said. "I still think it's fuckin' obvious as hell, Vin, I mean…" Cid fumbled for words. Vincent couldn't be that dense, could he? Not after all Cid had done over the past few months. Not after the presents, the kissing…_

_"Well… Fuck…" Cid began. He tossed his cigarette into the sand. Vincent raised an eyebrow at that eloquent explanation. Clearly he was feeling a bit better. "I mean… Ah…" Cid rubbed the back of his head. Vincent was watching him closely. It was distracting._

_Cid took a deep breath. He'd just jump right into it. No one could call Cid Highwind a coward!_

_"I did it fer th' same reason I'm always doin' stuff fer yeh."_

_Vincent blinked. Cid inhaled._

_"I love yeh."_

_Silence. Not really a nervous one; Vincent just looked too stunned to speak._

_"Oh, c'mon. Yeh can' be fuckin' serious, Vin! Yeh didn' know?"_

_"Actually, I was thinking that _you _could not possibly be serious," Vincent said._

_Cid's mouth dropped open. "Yer kiddin'. Yer fuckin' kiddin' me." He dropped onto the sand and held his head. "Fuuuuuck! An' after all that, teh! That puts me in m'fuckin' place!"_

_He felt a gentle hand on the back of his neck._

_"Most people have other reasons for flattering someone," Vincent murmured._

_Cid's head shot up. "'Other reasons.' What th' fuck other reasons are there?"_

_Vincent didn't answer, but he looked uncomfortable, as far as Cid could see (Vincent was crouched too close to him for Cid too see more than Vincent's face without being very obvious). "Oh, yeh mean like tryin' teh git someone on their damn back."_

_From the look on Vincent's face, that was exactly what he'd though Cid had been doing. Well, he was only half right._

_"I'd fuckin' love teh see that sometime, Vin." He'd been hoping for tonight, but a man had to have priorities. "But that ain't what I was fuckin' doin'." Sort of. "I love yeh. I love yeh so fuckin' much it hurts teh watch yeh." It certainly did._

_Vincent ducked his head. "I apologize," he said. "I should have expected better from you."_

_"If yeh thought I was jus' some damn pervert, why didn' yeh tell me teh knock it th' fuck off?"_

_Vincent shifted nervously. He voice dropped again. "I enjoyed the attention. I didn't mind it… coming from you. But tonight… seemed a little much. I was not sure of your motives anymore."_

_That explained the nervousness in the restaurant. Somewhat. Cid didn't think Vincent was delicate enough to fall apart just because of that._

_"And?" Cid prompted._

_Vincent hugged his black-clad knees and shook his head. "Not tonight, Chief. Some other time."_

_"In that case, yeh gotta do somethin' else fer me." Vincent stiffened._

_Cid quickly, knowing that he only got one try, scooped Vincent off the sand and stood. Vincent actually yelped quietly in surprise. He began to struggle when he saw where they were going._

_"Stop it. Put me down. Now. Cid!"_

_Cid tossed Vincent into the water. There was a tremendous splash. Vincent stood up, waist deep in ocean water, soaking wet and spluttering. He glared at Cid. To Cid, the look had all the menace of a glare from a kitten getting a bath._

_"I. Despise. You," Vincent said flatly._

_Cid grinned. "That's a fuckin' lie, an' yeh know it." He jumped into the water, re-wetting Vincent with a splash._

_Vincent peered mournfully at the dripping fabric of his clothes. "The silk will never be the same again."_

_Cid remembered belatedly that his cigarettes would be soaked by his ocean dip. "Shit!" He tosses the pack onto the sand. Then he splashed Vincent again. Vincent glared._

_"Yeh jus' gonna fuckin' take this, Vin?"_

_Vincent answered with retaliation. Cid spat out a mouthful of salt water. "Yer askin' fer it."_

_The water fight was pure fun, and Cid was surprised at how happy he was._

_It wasn't his original plan for the evening, but it was still worth it._

_The next morning, Cloud gave the two lumps in the beds exasperated looks. "What do you mean you both have colds?"_

* * *

Jus' goes teh show yeh that even disasters can end damn well. So y'all gotta be ready teh fuckin' improvise.

Maybe yer work'll end here. But yeh bastards all have it fuckin' easier than I did. Jerks.

An' Vin was a bit shy after this. More shy than usual, I mean. But in a damn good way. 'Cause then he fuckin' knew. An' he wasn' leavin'.

I fuckin' knew I won. He couldn' leave.

All I had left was th' fuckin' victory lap."

* * *

Okay, once again, I'm sorry for taking so long! I had the PMS pretty bad, and damned if I wanted to do anything but sit there with my K. Harukas and a box of chocolate. And read Anne Bishop books, which you should all read too. Seriously. And then there was the final run of rehearsals for the school musical, which ate into my sleeping time, which is why I am now totally drained.

Also, that is why I don't like this chapter so much. It doesn't make sense. But am lazy and refuse to change it.

Cid: Lazy fuckin' ass.

Chibi Koun: Yes, I just said. Anyway, the next chapter will be the conclusion-

Cid: Thank GOD.

Chibi Koun: And it represents, in its entirety, why this story is M-rated.

Cid: Oh GOD.

Chibi Koun: Yes, exactly. I actually make rather good use of that phrase.

Vincent: (flees)

Chibi Koun: You can't hide! I already wrote it! In school, which was amusing. Especially when my friend was reading it and a teacher came over to see what it was. Yee.

As usual, thanks to all my readers! I love you all, and the beautiful reviews. **PfenixB **is still amazing.

Guess what? A friend of mine is interested in being Cid for Anime Boston! Whee! But it probably won't happen. She has transportation and money issues right now. Aw. Next year, woman! You won't get away from me!


	10. Technique

Author's Note:

_AAAARGH!! I'm so sorry for how long this took! Urgh. Finals, Anime Boston, work… stuff piled up. Anyway, here we go (finally). The last chapter. Thank you, everyone. People were still bugging me about this, so… Yeah. Anyway… I think I have an epilogue for this._

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Technique

Yeah, I know this's th' part all yeh fuckers were waitin' fer. Fuckin' pervs.

Okay, anyway, so yeh finally got yer beloved in th' right fuckin'- hah- state 'a mind. But if yeh don' make damn sure they're enjoyin' 'emselves teh, yeh'll be sleepin' alone after that.

Fuckin' amazin' technique takes more th'n a big cock an' balls, but they help. But jus' teh reassure yeh poor bastards who ain't built as fuckin' good as me, yeh can do fine teh. Yeh jus' need teh fucin' try harder.

An' yeh need teh do more 'en jus' shove. Take notes, yeh damn idiots.

Talk helps a whole fuckin' lot. If yeh love this person, tell 'em th' damn truth. Yeh'll be amazed as hell. If yeh don' fuckin' love 'em, then I hope yeh die, yeh damn jerk. Stop fuckin' takin' advantage 'a people.

…Alright, I used teh have sex fer fun teh. But I fuckin' know better now.

Nothin', an' I fuckin' mean this, can replace lovin' from yer one special person.

* * *

_Cid had found a secluded area, separated from the spot the airship occupied by a small wood. There was a slight breeze, and the air was cool this far north. It was getting cooler as the sun set, setting the horizon on fire._

_He smoked pensively, watching the sun go down._

Find out what you're fighting for. I won't hold it against you if you don't come back tomorrow.

_Tomorrow they were to battle Sephiroth. If they won, Gaia would be saved. If they lost, they would probably never know about it._

_Cid already knew what he was fighting for. He did not need to go back to Rocket Town, the way Yuffie had gone to visit Wutai for the evening._

_The sun went down, and Cid's heart sank at the same rate. It was stupid to hope. It really was. But he'd hoped anyway._

_And he was still sitting alone, watching the sunset._

_"Fuckin' Sephiroth," Cid muttered. "Life used teh be so damn simple." But not as good. Even as he sat there, knowing that it was likely the last time he'd ever see the sunset._

_Knowing that tomorrow might be the last time he'd see…_

_The sound of a twig snapping behind him made Cid spin, pointing his spear but not bothering to get up. Then he settled again, unable to contain his relief. "It's yeh."_

_"I am aware," Vincent said dryly. He sat gracefully on the grass next to Cid._

_Cid grunted and blew smoke. "Thought yeh'd be at th' cave. With _her_." It hurt even to mention Lucrecia. Even without using her name._

_Vincent was quiet for a moment. He brushed the grass with a fingertip. "I'd rather be here."_

_Joy! Cid's heart rose once more._

_"And you? I thought you'd be visiting your home tonight."_

_Cid shook his head. "Nah. If we win, I can go back. 'Til then, I'd rather fuckin' not."_

_They sat in silence for a few minutes, but it was a comfortable silence._

_"Jus' seems fuckin' strange," Cid finally murmured._

_"Hm?"_

_"Think' 'bout death. I don' fuckin' do that much."_

_"I see."_

_Cid turned to face his companion, and his heart ached. What would he do if Vincent were to die tomorrow?_

_"Hey, Vin? We might fuckin' die temorra. If yeh could do one thin' before that, what would yeh do?"_

_Vincent sighed. "I won't die tomorrow, Chief."_

_"Yeh confident as hell, ain't yeh?"_

_"No. Sephiroth may be able to defeat me, but he will never be able to kill me."_

_"'M not followin'."_

_Vincent sighed again. "Pass me the Venus Gospel."_

_Cid gripped his weapon. "Why? I'm not gonna let yeh do somethin' fuckin' stupid."_

_"I won't. I promise."_

_Cid held out the spear. Vincent, instead of taking it, drew one of his fingers along the blade._

_"Now watch," he commanded, holing out his hand._

_Not content to do just that, Cid held onto that hand. He was struck by the sudden desire to kiss that cut, to lick the blood away._

_He did not have to. Right before his eyes, Vincent's finger was healing. Cid's mouth fell open, and his cigarette dropped unheeded into the grass. "Th' hell?"_

_"It goes fast because it is a small injury," Vincent said as he drew his hand back. Cid refused to let go. "Even if I receive what would normally be a killing blow, I would survive. And I would be well again in short order."_

_Cid turned Vincent's hand over, savoring the touch while Vincent remained passive. "Tha's jus'… Well, tha's fuckin' awesome."_

_"In theory." Now Vincent's voice was bitter. "I survived thirty years in a coffin with no food and no water. What is eternity to me? When all humans are gone and the planet finally dies?" He tugged his hand free. "I will be seeing it all. I have no choice."_

_Cid's heart hurt. He'd never thought about immortality like that._

_"So no last requests for me," Vincent said, after taking a moment to pull himself together. "I will survive tomorrow. One way or another."_

_There was another silence. The sun was almost gone._

_"What about you, Chief? If you were to die tomorrow, what would you wish for now?"_

_Cid answered with the truth. "Vincent." He reached out and brushed one of those cheeks, which had gone from snow white to flaming red in seconds. "I'd wish fer yeh, yeh silly bastard."_

_And then they were kissing, Cid cradling that head of beautiful black hair in one hand, the other rubbing Vincent's back up and down. And that feeling in his lips and tongue… Melting. Sweet. And the feeling of Vincent's lips… Vincent's tongue…_

_Vincent moaned, and Cid felt the movement as the sound was released. Oh, god, he was goin' teh hell now. Cid could feel parts of himself tightening with pleasure. And- someone was smiling down at Cid that night- Vincent was practically in his lap, and the heat was there, throbbing._

_Oh, god…_

_But then Vincent was pulling away, pushing at Cid's chest. Cid let him go with no small amount of reluctance, already missing the taste of him, and wanting, _wanting_ to taste more._

_And now that he could see Vincent's face, those desires only became stronger. Vincent had a bedroom face, his cheeks pink, his eyes half-lidded but blazing, his lips parted. It took more self control then Cid thought he had to stop himself from jumping the other man._

_"I can't," Vincent finally breathed. Cid shivered. Vincent was still in his lap._

_"Why th' hell not?" Too much feeling… Vin, yer gonna have teh get off if yer gonna refuse me…_

_Vincent looked away. His right hand was still on Cid's shoulder. "I couldn't do that to you."_

_"Yeh wanner know what yer fuckin' doin' teh me now?" Cid growled. His whole body was on fire. That kiss, Vincent seated where he was, Vincent holding him, Cid's hands on Vincent's waist… Cid was aroused almost to the point of ignoring Vincent's words. Almost. Which was probably better for everyone's health._

_"I don't want to hurt you," Vincent murmured. Cid began to rud the thin waist under his hands._

_"An' who fuckin' says yer on top?" He demanded. It was meant partly as a joke, and mostly to relieve Vincent of his worries._

_Vincent's back arched. Cid bit back a moan, and his rubbing sped up without the intervention of his brain, which was on hold at the moment. There was no way he could take this much longer._

_"Not physically," Vincent insisted. "Emotionally."_

_"Yer th' one who's th' fuckin' wreck," Cid pointed out in a rather snarly voice. Either say yes, er get th' hell off my dick, Vin…_

_"I mean… I'm not whole, Chief." Vincent tensed, making Cid grit his teeth._

_"Say again?"_

_"I'm… broken…"_

_That hit Cid like a bucket of cold water. The hairs on the back of his neck rose. Vincent often mentioned that he was "no longer human." That he had "sinned," which was all bullshit, to Cid's mind. But this felt different._

_"Not whole." "Broken." Cid heard the word that Vincent was desperately trying to avoid._

_Rape._

_Cid growled, this time in anger. He wrapped his arms tightly around Vincent, as though he could hide him from things that were long in the past. "An' fer some fuckin' dumb ass reason, yeh think I'm jus' gonna toss yeh away?! Gimme some goddamn credit, Vin!"_

_An arm snaked around Cid's neck. His skin burned where it touched him._

_"C'mon, Vin," Cid murmered. His body was remembering what it wanted to do. "If yeh don' want me, jus' fuckin' say it." Don't say that. "But quit makin' excuses. I'll never fuckin' abandon yeh, an I'm never gonna stop fuckin' lovin' yeh." If you'd let me._

_Vincent grip on Cid tightened._

_"Yeh've had jus' about th' crappiest damn life I ever hear 'a, Vin. But no matter what th' hell yeh say, it ain't yer fault." Vincent stared to protest, but Cid cut him off. "Shut up. It ain't yer goddamn fault. We fuckin' went through this."_

_By themselves, Cid's hands returned to Vincent back and continued their circling. He was still wearing his gloves? Why was he still wearing his gloves? Dammit, why th' hell was he wearin' anythin' at all?_

_"Hojo's a fuckin' bastard, an' I finda wish he was still alive son I could send him teh hell again." Cid felt Vincent wince._

_"I was drugged," was the quiet reply to the question Cid hadn't asked._

_"Vin, yeh tell me teh stop, an' yeh know I will." Don't tell me to stop. Cid stripped off his gloves._

_Vincent released Cid and sat back. Cid nearly screamed._

_"There's one last thing," Vincent said._

_"Vin, I can handle it. It's yeh."_

_Ina sudden move, Vincent grabbed his claw and yanked. The polished but dented metal slid off, revealing an arm. As far as Cid could tell, it matched Vincent right arm (except that it was the left one); nothing appeared to be wrong with it._

_"Th' hell yeh wear that for?" Cid demanded. He investigated the newly revealed left hand._

_"Protection."_

_"Uh huh." Cid kissed the palm. Vincent shivered, sending another wave of heat through Cid's lower regions. "'M sure yeh do." My hissin' kitty._

_"Doesn't anything bother you?" Vincent asked, sounding slightly put out. After thirty years of telling himself that he was a monster, he was a bit miffed that not everyone agreed._

_"Nope. Not 'bout yeh. I fuckin' love all 'a yeh." Carefully, Cid unbuckled Vincent's cape and let it slither to the ground. He then set to work on the buttons of Vincent's shirt collar. "Every inch 'a yeh." The milky skin of Vincent's throat became exposed. "Every. Fuckin'. Inch." Cid punctuated each word with a kiss on that graceful neck._

_Vincent shivered again. Hesitantly, he put his hands on Cid's chest, sliding them under the jacket. Cid's skin prickled and heated._

_"No fuckin' bastard'll hurt yeh while I'm around, Vin," Cid groaned. "Ferget Hojo. Ferget yer past. Tehnight I wanna be selfish. Tehnight, jus' think 'a me, Vin." Forever…_

_There was another burning kiss. Somehow, Cid wasn't entirely sure how, they ended up lying on the grass. Cid didn't care. All he could think about was his hands on Vincent, Vincent's hands on him. Fierce kisses, lips, throat, chest. Burning skin separated by only a thin layer of fabric. Soon, not separated at all._

_"Don't let me go."_

_"N'ver."_

* * *

Alright, sit back down, yeh animals. Damn pervs. We're doin' some fuckin' censorship here, 'cause th' things that happened ain't fer yeh bastards teh know.

Not that yeh ain't all imaginin'. Sheesh. Freaks.

* * *

_Then it was calm._

_For a few moments, Cid was content to sit, hold Vincent- _his _Vincent- and pant. Vincent seemed to be equally placid, but his grip on Cid did not lessen._

_Eventually, Cid roused himself. "Vin? Yeh okay?"_

_"Mmm." Vincent tightened his arm about Cid's shoulders. He brushed his lips against Cid's cheek, before resting his head in the cook of Cid's neck._

_Well, that message was clear. "Good." Cid brushed at Vincent's hair with his free hand. The hand that Vincent was holding hostage remained in custody, and Cid was not in any real hurry to get it back._

_Another craving struck Cid. He'd taken care of one, but now…_

_Vincent shifted. "Are you smoking?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Vincent shifted again. "I want a bath."_

_Cid grinned. "Yer outta luck there, Vin."_

_"I just feel-"_

_"Wet an' sticky? All filled up?"_

_He felt Vincent's nose wrinkle against his neck._

_"That's disgusting, Chief."_

_Cid laughed. "Yeh didn' have a damn problem with it 'til now."_

_Vincent made a vague noise of complaint and began struggling to escape Cid's hold. "I cannot take you any longer. You are the most-"_

_"Wonderful? Handsome?" Cid teased._

_"I was going to say crass and rude."_

_"Ouch. That fuckin' hurts." Cid got a hold on Vincent's wrist. He tickled, and Vincent squirmed. "Now, what should I do teh get back on yer good side?"_

_Vincent looked down at Cid. His eyes softened. "Kiss me."_

_Eventually, it occurred to the two of them that the sun was fully down and it was quite cold. Fortunately there was a lot of spare fabric lying around, and no one seemed to want to claim it (though Vincent muttered something about killing someone if his clothes developed grass stains). And it was warm when they snuggled together._

_The next day, as they were making their way into the depths of the Northern Crater, Cloud blinked at Cid._

_"You're pretty relaxed, aren't you?"_

* * *

Well, we fought that bastard Sephiroth. An' we all fuckin' survived. But y'all knew that already.

Anyway, that's how yeh do it. Remember all this crap I fuckin' taught yeh an' yer chosen one don' stand a damn change 'gainst yeh.

Heh. Vin stuck with me ever since, jus' provin' that I _am _that fuckin' good.

So no worries fer all yeh damn jerks. Yeh'll never have love problems 'gain, not if yeh follow my advice.

Th' last fuckin' think 'for yeh go…

Eh…

…

Fuck.

How long yeh been standin' there, Vin?

End.

* * *

Oh boy, life. Too much of it. Anyway, Anime Boston rocked majorly. We stayed all three days this time, and it was the best experience of my life! They fixed the Pre-Registered line problem, so instead of taking nine hours to pick up our badges, it only took about thirty seconds! Bliss. Yes, Rufus timed us.

A special shout out to **Shadow of Phantasia**, who we saw at Boston, and who was very awesome indeed. And who jumped at us as we were leaving the Dealer's Hall. Hee. My friends were all like "who was that and how does she know you?" after you left. It was fun.

I got my photo taken with a Cid and a Yuffie. I'm the shortest one in that picture. Sheesh.

There was an ORIGINAL GAME CID there too! I was amazed. You don't see him around all that often. Sadly, I did not get his picture.

Muraki Sensei (of Yami no Matsuei) was there. He stabbed me. Four times. I was terrified, but amazed. It was a wonderful costume, with a great vest and a magnificent coat. And a whole nuch of props, not the least of which was THE BLOODY KNIFE I WAS STABBED WITH. I'LL GET MY REVENGE, DOCTOR!! JUST YOU WAIT!

Anway, I'm already mostly done with a new cosplay. Vocaloid Kaito. He's adorable, and I actually own the software. It was a problem tracking it down, not to mention registering my copy on the Japanese website. I don't know what I'd do without Google Translate.

And I know what my next costume will be! Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji. I've always loved Victorian clothes, and Sebastian gets great props as well as a great costume. Not to mention that I can reuse my Vincent contact lenses for him.

Wow, those two are strangely quiet…

Cid: ….

Vincent: …

Chibi Koun: The best part is, of course, that this is actually the abridged version. When I wrote the first draft, the sex scene was a whole lot longer. But when I reread it I felt sleazy. Besides, it was pretty poorly written, like a bad romance novel. A shame, really. Well, no.


	11. Epilogue

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Vincent

...Now go home and try to do anything stupid until I get back.

…

Well, what are you all staring at?

….

Foolishness, really. Well, you can all go home and try out that nonsense if you must. You will be disappointed, however. It won't work.

…

Don't you know? The real trick is not to chase after the one you love.

_It's to figure out how to make them chase after you._

…

…

Now go away.


End file.
